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Funkmaster V Reviews
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7800 Rank: Unranked
Genre: Action/ Puzzle
Incomplete Prototype
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Island Life was Serene, Until All These Damned NME Boxes Moved In! |
Pros:
What could Competiton Mode be? The game looked promising.
Cons:
Cancelled in the early stages. |
OH NO! Thanos Snapped His Fingers! Thor! How Could You??? |
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Overview: My first experience with Rampart was magical. It was during the time when I was spending my nights as a drug and alcohol counselor at an adolescent facility in the hinterlands of East Tennessee. It was a co-ed place, so my main job was keeping the 20 some-odd, hormone infused boys, who were trying to get their wubbies wiggled, out of the 4 girls' beds. Yes, it was a screwed up situation. And because of Rampart, there may be a few meth-mouth babies who grew up to roam the abandoned strip malls of East Tennessee that owe their lives to me. I don't care. I loved the game. Years later, I started trying to play other versions and found them either tantalizing, clunky, or just plain awkward. A version on the 7800 would have been interesting, but I suspect the Pro Line controllers would have made the gameplay a little stiff. This is an incomplete prototype that is pretty wonky to experience.
What We Gotz Here: Rampart is a hybrid game broken up into three parts. It is a medieval affair, so we are, of course, involved in an invasion of some sort. This time, by sea. During part one, we must construct our castles with Tetris style blocks. If we are successful in completely surrounding a castle with walls with solid partitions, we then get to place our cannons around inside the castle walls. Phase 3? We fire away with cannon ball glee at the approaching ships as they fire back at us. Then we must repair our walls, re-build and continue the cycle. If we survive enough rounds, we clear the level. Onto the next map. The 7800 prototype was canned in its early stages, so there's not much to do here. The familiar 7800 menu is fully functional, complete with our ubiquitous difficulty options (novice, intermediate, advanced, expert) and there is a 2 player option... wait... what's this? A competition mode??? Whoa! What is that about? The 7800 had great two player options... I would have loved to have seen that. But when you try to do anything else is... its just trippy. The screens look good, the terrains are yellowish and brown checkerboards, but giant gray boxes filled with horizontal lines and the letters "NME" float aimlessly around the screen. "NOT MY EMPEROR!" "NICE MUSKRAT EGGS!" "NICKI MINAJ EXERCISE!" Who knows? You can move a reticule around, and a simple button press causes everything on the screen to explode. Congrats. You just won the easiest video game of all time. Back to the menu screen with your ass. If you keep up this process you can see all eight boards... even a swell island. There's only one sound effect in the game, and that's on the menu screen. Bloop.
Verdict: Rampart on the Lynx is one of my favorite games ever. I'm sure there's several people named Tyler alive today because of it. I would have loved to have played it on the 7800. Alas, this one is too incomplete to scratch that medieval itch. (I should go see the castle's Maester for that... huh?)
Looks cool... but this found version is too bare to bear. DUD
Additional Information: I would like to thank AtariAge and AtariProtos.com for the screenshots used in this review.
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